NBA Offseason Moves...
This is a quick recap on the winners and losers of the NBA offseason...
WINNERS
New Jersey
"And all of a sudden the Nets had a bright idea. Instead of trying to out-shoot their opponents, they could sign a power forward who could score and make their opposition guard them inside AND out. He would lead them to new horizons; he would play with a chip on his shoulder. He would run the floor. His name would be Shareef."
Atlanta (pending...)
Let's assume the Hawks sign Joe Johnson. Then their lineup would look something like this:
PG Salim Stoudamire (or Joe Johnson)
SG Josh Childress (or Joe Johnson)
SF Josh Smith
PF Al Harrington
C Marvin Williams
Wow, that looks way better than last year. I don't know why Joe Johnson is signing with the Hawks anyway, except that he wants to get paid, and if Marvin Williams turns out to be the truth... the Hawks could... oh, never mind. Now, people are claiming that this lineup is too small, the Hawks don't know what they're doing, blah, blah, blah. But they won like 12 games last year, so maybe some sort of radical change would do them good.
Cleveland
LeBron James, meet Larry Hughes.
Indiana
I like how the Pacers lucked into Danny Granger, are getting Artest back, and then decide to sign the best international player. They were always a player away against the Pistons; now they've signed two.
Portland
They've got a new coach and possibly a new point guard in Jarrett Jack, who I like. I think Jack could be the steal of the draft... but that's just me. They also are rid of some of their contracts, but they still have D-Miles. I guess you can't win 'em all.
LOSERS
Phoenix
They made their money by runnin' and gunnin', so they trade Q-Rich and fail to re-sign Joe Johnson, leaving the ageless Jimmy Jackson to start, and presumably Kurt Thomas, Shawn Marion, and Amare to be the front court. This leaves Phoenix with a) no depth and b) way less shooting. This puts them in a precarious spot in the West; they may not have needed Q in the playoffs, but once again, he was nice to have in the regular season.
LA Lakers
Trading Caron Butler for Kwame Brown was stupid. Drafting Andrew Bynum was worse. This could be a nightmare.
Sacramento
Wow, we're seeing a theme with the west, huh? The Kings are dangerously close to being the odd team out in the West; after losing Cat Mobley, they decided to take a chance with the enigmatic Bonzi Wells, losing Bobby Jackson in the process.
Utah
Arguably worse at trading than the Kings, the Jazz managed to pull the plug on Kirk Snyder to re-gain the lovable oaf Greg Ostertag, who is only liked in Utah.
NY Knicks
Channing Frye, welcome to hell. I don't think I've seen a pick so scrutinized without playing a game in a long time. You would think I'd give this team a "Winner" because of their acquisition of Larry Brown, but just look at that roster. At least Allan Houston gets a ticket somewhere else...
WINNERS
New Jersey
"And all of a sudden the Nets had a bright idea. Instead of trying to out-shoot their opponents, they could sign a power forward who could score and make their opposition guard them inside AND out. He would lead them to new horizons; he would play with a chip on his shoulder. He would run the floor. His name would be Shareef."
Atlanta (pending...)
Let's assume the Hawks sign Joe Johnson. Then their lineup would look something like this:
PG Salim Stoudamire (or Joe Johnson)
SG Josh Childress (or Joe Johnson)
SF Josh Smith
PF Al Harrington
C Marvin Williams
Wow, that looks way better than last year. I don't know why Joe Johnson is signing with the Hawks anyway, except that he wants to get paid, and if Marvin Williams turns out to be the truth... the Hawks could... oh, never mind. Now, people are claiming that this lineup is too small, the Hawks don't know what they're doing, blah, blah, blah. But they won like 12 games last year, so maybe some sort of radical change would do them good.
Cleveland
LeBron James, meet Larry Hughes.
Indiana
I like how the Pacers lucked into Danny Granger, are getting Artest back, and then decide to sign the best international player. They were always a player away against the Pistons; now they've signed two.
Portland
They've got a new coach and possibly a new point guard in Jarrett Jack, who I like. I think Jack could be the steal of the draft... but that's just me. They also are rid of some of their contracts, but they still have D-Miles. I guess you can't win 'em all.
LOSERS
Phoenix
They made their money by runnin' and gunnin', so they trade Q-Rich and fail to re-sign Joe Johnson, leaving the ageless Jimmy Jackson to start, and presumably Kurt Thomas, Shawn Marion, and Amare to be the front court. This leaves Phoenix with a) no depth and b) way less shooting. This puts them in a precarious spot in the West; they may not have needed Q in the playoffs, but once again, he was nice to have in the regular season.
LA Lakers
Trading Caron Butler for Kwame Brown was stupid. Drafting Andrew Bynum was worse. This could be a nightmare.
Sacramento
Wow, we're seeing a theme with the west, huh? The Kings are dangerously close to being the odd team out in the West; after losing Cat Mobley, they decided to take a chance with the enigmatic Bonzi Wells, losing Bobby Jackson in the process.
Utah
Arguably worse at trading than the Kings, the Jazz managed to pull the plug on Kirk Snyder to re-gain the lovable oaf Greg Ostertag, who is only liked in Utah.
NY Knicks
Channing Frye, welcome to hell. I don't think I've seen a pick so scrutinized without playing a game in a long time. You would think I'd give this team a "Winner" because of their acquisition of Larry Brown, but just look at that roster. At least Allan Houston gets a ticket somewhere else...
posted by mike at 12:27 PM
3 Comments:
Yeah, Pedro is a Hall-of-Famer, this guy is an idiot. 3 Cy Youngs, blah, blah, blah, we could go on. Look at his K/BB ratio for all time.
Let me quickly try to run down the next 20:
Chipper Jones, Todd Helton, Curt Schilling, Gary Sheffield, Frank Thomas, Trevor Hoffman, Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Beltran, Bobby Abreu, Jim Edmonds, Scott Rolen, ICHIRO, WTF!!!, Pedro, Carlos Delgado, Jim Thome, Mark Teixeira, and I guess a few other guys, I'm not really sure. It's too early to count out Nomar or Mussina, too.
I'm done...
Mike
Your articles are extremely long. Is there any way you could remove all logic and reasoning from your articles to shorten them up. I have trouble reading; I prefer sports columnists to say things like "Teh Knikcs well be teh suk even wif Larrry Brown." That's the sort of analysis I can handle.
I just saw where Bill Simmons referred to Ostertaag as an 'oaf.' I wonder if there are other people who personify words so astutely. This seems like the beginnings of a star contest. Keep it posted; keep it real.
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