Michael's NBA tri-mester awards!
We're a little over one-third of the way through the NBA season, so let's give out some of our honorary awards!
The "Oh snap, we should have really taken these guys out when we had the chance" award goes to:
The Phoenix Suns!
Phoenix is winning the Pacific Division of the West rather convincingly, despite no Amare. The Suns, instead, are making it on the "Quad Squad," that is, the resurgent Boris Diaw, the marginal Raja Bell, Eddie "shoot-at-will" House, and James "I got lost in Indiana's rotation" Jones. The innovative Suns have taken to playing Diaw at center, and are letting these other guys shoot and drive at will, because they don't have anybody else to do those things. Amazingly, that works well, and Steve Nash and Shawn Marion are more than enough to win most games anyway. Geez, maybe I'll have to take back my dislike for the Suns, who are deciding to arbitrarily win games "aristocrat-style." I envision a huge winning streak when Amare comes back.
The "You've got to be kidding me, why did we buy season tickets for this" award goes to:
The Houston Rockets!
I don't understand how this team got so bad so quick. I know T-Mac's been injured, but I just didn't know that Bob Sura was that much of a difference maker. You know things are bad when Luther Head, who was drafted to be a shooter only, is being told to look for his shot. He didn't even look for his shot at Illinois. Can Rafer Alston take down two teams at once? Maybe the Rockets should have kept Mike James after all. T-Mac, get it together, and score 40 a night, please.
The "we're playing with house money, every win after this is gold" award goes to:
The New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets!
Give the Hornets credit for drafting Chris Paul. But also give them credit for showing up to every game, and give them credit for letting David West develop into some sort of legitimate post threat. I can only think of one person who saw that coming. Despite J.R. Smith's atrocious shooting, which has been so bad that Byron Scott has decided to bench him, the Hornets are still playing hard, which is nice. Also, let's not get on them for getting "ripped off" with the Baron Davis deal. Speed Claxton hasn't been that bad, and the Hornets were dumping salary. When you dump salary, you don't get max value.
The least improved player award goes to:
Tyson Chandler!
In a close one over equally disappointing players J.R. Smith, Al Jefferson, Kwame Brown, Zach Randolph, Emeka Okafor, and even Q-Rich, I'm giving this award to Tyson Chandler, who is somehow averaging under 5 ppg. He's also leading his team in fouls, and he's also making a lot of money, which is just inexplicable. Tyson, you're making Charles Barkley look like a genius.
Barkley, in 2001, on high schoolers in the draft:
"When you draft a high school player, you're telling your fans and your organization, "We're going to struggle for the next two, three years; be patient with us." I don't think it's fair to the fans, and it's not good for basketball."
Tyson, it's been like five years, please, learn how to score and play like you're the number two overall pick. Even Kwame Brown is outplaying you.
The "please make it stop" award goes to:
Fans of the Charlotte Bobcats.
I think we need to invoke a rule that expansion teams must immediately pick up one of ten scorers to make their team competitive while they're in their transition periods. Teams would be allowed to choose from:
Jim Jackson, Jerry Stackhouse, Ricky Davis, Michael Finley, Jamal Crawford, Quentin Richardson, Steve Francis, Jalen Rose, and, well, I think we get the idea. This is because I hate (h-a-t-e) what the Bobcats are doing, which I think is mean to the fans. They've drafted three guys who can't score consistently in the NBA, which makes it extremely difficult to be consistent on a night-in, night-out basis. I'm sure the Bobcats' fans love seeing players like Keith Bogans, Jumaine Jones, Gerald Wallace, and Kareem Rush jack up shot after shot with no real pattern or explosiveness involved. Drafting pieces toward a good team is nice, but the Bobcats don't seem to really be building around anything. These fans deserve a good free agent signing next year.
By the way, I love how the Bobcats picked up Brevin Knight off the street, and that he's now their best player. That's the type of stuff that can only happen to expansion teams.
The All-Star team for the Eastern Conference is:
Guards: Chauncey Billups, Dwayne Wade, Allen Iverson, Michael Redd, Gilbert Arenas
Forwards: Paul Pierce, LeBron James, Vince Carter, Jermaine O'Neal, Ben Wallace
Centers: Shaquille O'Neal, Chris Bosh.
The All-Star team for the Western Conference is:
Guards: Steve Nash, Kobe Bryant, Jason Richardson, Tony Parker
Forwards: Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan, Shawn Marion, Carmelo Anthony, Dirk Nowitzki, Elton Brand
Centers: Yao, Pau Gasol
The MVP is:
LeBron James.
Twenty wins + 30 ppg + 50% shooting percentage = MVP.
The "Oh snap, we should have really taken these guys out when we had the chance" award goes to:
The Phoenix Suns!
Phoenix is winning the Pacific Division of the West rather convincingly, despite no Amare. The Suns, instead, are making it on the "Quad Squad," that is, the resurgent Boris Diaw, the marginal Raja Bell, Eddie "shoot-at-will" House, and James "I got lost in Indiana's rotation" Jones. The innovative Suns have taken to playing Diaw at center, and are letting these other guys shoot and drive at will, because they don't have anybody else to do those things. Amazingly, that works well, and Steve Nash and Shawn Marion are more than enough to win most games anyway. Geez, maybe I'll have to take back my dislike for the Suns, who are deciding to arbitrarily win games "aristocrat-style." I envision a huge winning streak when Amare comes back.
The "You've got to be kidding me, why did we buy season tickets for this" award goes to:
The Houston Rockets!
I don't understand how this team got so bad so quick. I know T-Mac's been injured, but I just didn't know that Bob Sura was that much of a difference maker. You know things are bad when Luther Head, who was drafted to be a shooter only, is being told to look for his shot. He didn't even look for his shot at Illinois. Can Rafer Alston take down two teams at once? Maybe the Rockets should have kept Mike James after all. T-Mac, get it together, and score 40 a night, please.
The "we're playing with house money, every win after this is gold" award goes to:
The New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets!
Give the Hornets credit for drafting Chris Paul. But also give them credit for showing up to every game, and give them credit for letting David West develop into some sort of legitimate post threat. I can only think of one person who saw that coming. Despite J.R. Smith's atrocious shooting, which has been so bad that Byron Scott has decided to bench him, the Hornets are still playing hard, which is nice. Also, let's not get on them for getting "ripped off" with the Baron Davis deal. Speed Claxton hasn't been that bad, and the Hornets were dumping salary. When you dump salary, you don't get max value.
The least improved player award goes to:
Tyson Chandler!
In a close one over equally disappointing players J.R. Smith, Al Jefferson, Kwame Brown, Zach Randolph, Emeka Okafor, and even Q-Rich, I'm giving this award to Tyson Chandler, who is somehow averaging under 5 ppg. He's also leading his team in fouls, and he's also making a lot of money, which is just inexplicable. Tyson, you're making Charles Barkley look like a genius.
Barkley, in 2001, on high schoolers in the draft:
"When you draft a high school player, you're telling your fans and your organization, "We're going to struggle for the next two, three years; be patient with us." I don't think it's fair to the fans, and it's not good for basketball."
Tyson, it's been like five years, please, learn how to score and play like you're the number two overall pick. Even Kwame Brown is outplaying you.
The "please make it stop" award goes to:
Fans of the Charlotte Bobcats.
I think we need to invoke a rule that expansion teams must immediately pick up one of ten scorers to make their team competitive while they're in their transition periods. Teams would be allowed to choose from:
Jim Jackson, Jerry Stackhouse, Ricky Davis, Michael Finley, Jamal Crawford, Quentin Richardson, Steve Francis, Jalen Rose, and, well, I think we get the idea. This is because I hate (h-a-t-e) what the Bobcats are doing, which I think is mean to the fans. They've drafted three guys who can't score consistently in the NBA, which makes it extremely difficult to be consistent on a night-in, night-out basis. I'm sure the Bobcats' fans love seeing players like Keith Bogans, Jumaine Jones, Gerald Wallace, and Kareem Rush jack up shot after shot with no real pattern or explosiveness involved. Drafting pieces toward a good team is nice, but the Bobcats don't seem to really be building around anything. These fans deserve a good free agent signing next year.
By the way, I love how the Bobcats picked up Brevin Knight off the street, and that he's now their best player. That's the type of stuff that can only happen to expansion teams.
The All-Star team for the Eastern Conference is:
Guards: Chauncey Billups, Dwayne Wade, Allen Iverson, Michael Redd, Gilbert Arenas
Forwards: Paul Pierce, LeBron James, Vince Carter, Jermaine O'Neal, Ben Wallace
Centers: Shaquille O'Neal, Chris Bosh.
The All-Star team for the Western Conference is:
Guards: Steve Nash, Kobe Bryant, Jason Richardson, Tony Parker
Forwards: Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan, Shawn Marion, Carmelo Anthony, Dirk Nowitzki, Elton Brand
Centers: Yao, Pau Gasol
The MVP is:
LeBron James.
Twenty wins + 30 ppg + 50% shooting percentage = MVP.
posted by mike at 8:29 PM
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