RETRO POST: "NBA Draft rant, Bill Simmons-style. (with pictures)"

From four months ago... wait till you see what else I have in the archive...

I am emulating Bill Simmons for this. He has recently released his Top 40 list, and I like it. I do have significant problems with some of his picks, but that's ok.

Let me get this kick-started by saying that the Raptors are up to something, and I think I like it. You've got to give them credit for recognizing that it was unreasonable to have three power forwards on the same team, and extracting T.J. Ford from the Bucks seems to be a reasonable talent upgrade. Unfortunately, trading Charlie Villanueva may prove to be a shady move. Keep in mind, this guy wasn't supposed to have any heart in last year's draft; unfortunately, heart and desire is not required to play in the NBA, which is something I'll get into later.

If you want to read more about this, read Bill Simmons' top 40 article where he lambastes the Raptors for making this decision. He trashes Ford up one side and down the other, despite the fact that Ford recovered reasonably well from near paralysis. I find the whole thing to be sort of rantish. After that, Simmons claims that his mediocre ability would be more than enough to be an NBA GM.

Just remember this Yao quote to disregard that as truth:

“Years from now, we will remember ‘Yao Ming over Jay Williams’ the same way we remember ‘Bowie over Jordan,’ ‘Traylor for Nowitzki,’ ‘Carroll for McHale and Parish,’ ‘Aguirre over Thomas’ and every other great draft day blunder in NBA history. I’m not just predicting it, I’m guaranteeing it."

Yikes, Bill. I want you on my talent evaluation squad right now. Maybe you could tell me how great the Celtics are gonna be this year.

That being said, Andrea Bargnani is a nice pickup, mainly because he's an Italian in Canada, which is perfectly awesome. Since the Raptors love to score points anyway, it should be a perfect fit. By the way, T.J. Ford and Chris Bosh should be fun to watch. They're very fast.

I like what Portland's doing. There, I'll say it. They wanted two things out of this draft: a guard who could do different things, and a power forward who would stay out of trouble. Since they're eventually going to trick some team into taking Zach Randolph, it was important that they get his replacement right now, which is what they did with Aldridge. People have been upset with Aldridge because he got punished by LSU, but I think it's unreasonable to criticize anyone who has to take on a whole team by himself. Just remember, Tim Duncan didn't win jack in college either.

Now Aldridge is no Duncan, but he should be able to do ok in the league, and he won't have to play right away. Plus, being in Portland automatically reduces your expected contribution by a large margin, so Aldridge is cool.

However, Brandon Roy, or "the Return of Eddie Jones," or "EJ2," as I think is appropriate to call him, will really help Portland immediately, and should start in the league for a long time. Keep in mind, Eddie Jones was a three-time All-Star and found his way onto a few defensive teams. If Portland gets that out of Roy, they'll be pretty happy. Their games are similarly predicated on making open jump shots, which is always nice. I'll be talking a lot about the importance of making open jump shots throughout this, mainly because it's something that nobody in the NBA can do.

I've finally gotten over my anger toward Charlotte for taking Adam Morrison over Rudy Gay enough to write something about it.

I just have one question for Bobcats management.

Do you have something against athletic swingmen? Does that sort of idea appall you in some way that we don't know about?

You had an opportunity last year to draft Gerald Green, but you passed. Now Boston has a guy who's likely to shine and you have Sean May, who is on the ropes as an NBA talent. Now this year you pass on Brandon Roy and Rudy Gay for Adam Morrison, a guy who would be great on a team with talent already.

Adam Morrison will be a great NBA player if he's being guarded by, say, one defender. And now he gets to play with the Bobcats, who are the absolute worst match for his skills on the planet. Since the Bobcats aren't going to fool anyone into thinking Gerald Wallace and Kareem Rush are going for 3o a game, we'll get to see Morrison jack up a bunch of shots that will be heavily contested, with the added bonus of seeing Morrison guarded by, say, Bruce Bowen instead of some dude from Pepperdine. That's nice. Charlotte needs a shooting guard now.

At least he can shoot. I think Bobcats fans will be very excited to see open jump shots made on a 50/50 basis. Just to reiterate, Morrison can shoot better than these guys:



That being said, I have to say this: I don't get what Charlotte is trying to do even a little bit. They've managed to draft a team that's pretty slow, with the exception of Ray Felton, who is going to be an absolute star. Unfortunately, Charlotte won't play a whole lot of defense with Morrison on the floor, so there probably won't be a slew of fast breaks. But hey, they already have a "winning combo!"

What makes this pick even better is that it has the Vitale seal of approval, much as the Hawks' selection of Josh Childress over Andre Iguodala a few years ago. If you're athletic and didn't dominate every team you ever played in college, Dickie V hates you. Meanwhile, Vitale is still crowing about how Tskitshivili has sucked from the 2002 draft. , and how you shouldn't draft anyone from Europe because of that. Maybe Americans like Melvin Ely, Marcus Haislip, Chris Wilcox, Dajuan Wagner, Mike Dunleavy, or Jared Jeffries would have been better picks in that draft. What?

Alright, so I'm done slamming Dickie V, which does mean I get to take one shot at Isiah Thomas. Everyone who says that Isiah Thomas is brilliant at drafting is right, in some sense. But it's important to keep in mind that his drafting of Tracy McGrady is what we want to hang our hat on here, not his drafting of Marcus Camby, Damon Stoudamire, or those three dudes he took last year. I'm not impressed with anyone who uses the second pick on Camby in a draft with AI, Kobe, Ray Allen, Peja, Nash, 'Toine, Starbury, or 'Reef. Likewise, every pick before Damon was at least as good. I'm still not sold on Nate Robinson, a guy who I mainly dislike for his bogus win of the dunk contest; not to mention his shot selection. Frye was a nice pick; but last year's draft had a decent top 10 anyway.

At least Renaldo Balkman seems to like playing basketball in Madison Square Garden. I personally dislike him for decimating my Louisville Cardinals.

By the way, Isiah Thomas has so messed up the New York Knicks that it may take more than two stars to fix that team. That's pretty remarkable.

Bulls? Yes, I like what they did too. They managed to fleece the Blazers out of Viktor Khryapa, which means that they're on the verge of creating a legitimate NBA bench. That's something to be proud of.

Now, draftee Tyrus Thomas is "dual-raw," which means he's "tight," but also means he's "undeveloped." In other words, he's Stromile Swift.

While the Bulls clearly overpaid for Big Ben, it is a testament to that franchise's renewal that they were willing to sign him at all. Part of the nice thing about having Wallace around is the instant mentoring he'll be able to provide Thomas with. One of the problems that Swift has had in his career is having to learn everything himself wherever he's been; there's never been a power forward who could teach him much, so he's had reduced development and basically has to go through his entire career dunking everything in sight because he has no tangible skills.


Shown above: Stromile demonstrating the only skill he's picked up since 2000. Wait, he can block shots too.

Here's hoping Wallace teaches Thomas how to be a defensive force.

I suppose now would be the obligatory comment on how the Bulls basically gave up on Tyson Chandler, but J.R. Smith could be alright; at any rate, he's a nice addition to the suddenly robust Bulls bench.

Atlanta drafted Shelden Williams over Rudy Gay or a guard. They deserve whatever happens to them for this. I also wonder if they've completely given up on Marvin Williams already, because I have a feeling he'll be good soon.

My theories for why the Hawks drafted Shelden Williams:

• Shelden was drafted specifically to bully around Marvin in practice. You know, the Duke/UNC thing.
• They're trying to put themselves in line for Greg Oden by not drafting someone who will make a tangible difference to their team.
• They were trying to increase the "highest level of education obtained" level in accordance with NBA requirements.
• Shelden promised to have his extended family buy Hawks season tickets.
• Drafting Williams meant the avoidance of having to sign crappy free agent to teach younger Hawks how to acquire post position, box out, or do up-and-under.

I don't have any reason to get upset at Minnesota for Randy Foye. They're taking him to help ease Kevin Garnett's pain. You have to give Kevin McHale some credit for getting a semi-legitimate backcourt together rather quick in order to try to get the T-Wolves back in the playoffs. Less credit should be given for Ricky Davis though. Ouch!

I wouldn't hate on Ricky Davis so much if he didn't shoot on his own goal to get a triple-double. Please remember that.

Now, let's go on to the beloved Houston Rockets, a team took a gamble by trading Rudy Gay and Stromile Swift for Shane Battier. The this for them is the fact that Battier is a decent NBA starter who can play defense well. It will be interesting to see if his presence finally allows T-Mac and Yao to play well together. He's the best starter those guys will have ever seen.

There comes a time in every draft, in every sport, where you have to scratch your heads and wonder why arguably the most talented player wasn't taken. This draft found its most talented player, Rudy Gay, on the sidelines until the eighth pick.

You can't coach heart, toughness and determination, which is presumably why Gay slipped. It's also important to note that you can't coach ability. Gay's ability is unquestionable; and while he didn't take over in Connecticut as much as he "should have," there were also like five other NBA picks on that team.


On to the Golden State Warriors!

Here's a team that actually took a stab at making their team better by taking Patrick O'Bryant, although it's never good to hear that Chris Mullin might still be the best shooter on Golden State's roster (according to himself, no less). I think the Warriors' main problem is a lack of toughness; well, and Baron Davis.
Warriors fans trying to get excited about their free Mike Dunleavy posters on Warrior draft night... since nothing says fun like a Mike Dunleavy poster and a selection of Patrick O'Bryant. Yes!

I really could have said more about this draft four months ago, but I'll just settle for saying that drafting NBA-ready point guards is a clutch idea. Also, Paul Millsap is the hotness.