Retroactive Prediction for Super Bowl, courtesy of John Lorenz.
I'm supposed to talk about why the Colts are going to win the Super Bowl in a little over 3 hours. Well...
I don't like the Colts. I don't really know why... maybe it's the logo... maybe it's their team colors... maybe it's their omnipresence in this neck of the woods.* Something about them rubs me the wrong way.
I probably shouldn't. If you ever listen to any color announcer gush over every aspect of the organization, you'd think Peyton Manning just invited them to the prom. Peyton Manning is “the hardest working man in football – constantly studying film and working on precision routes with receivers.” Marvin Harrison is, “a class act all the way,” of course. Joseph Addai is “a fine young man who's going to be very successful in this league.” Tony Dungy is “one of the most dignified men in football, long overdue for the championship he so richly deserves.”
Pardon the Interruption ®, but don't people that deserve championships, win championships? Bill Belichek almost certainly cheated on his wife and had a messy divorce – did he not deserve 3 Super Bowl rings? I'm just so tired of people giving it to this team because they are, quote-unquote, classy. And nobody is a better symbol of this than Peyton Manning. He's unequivocally a great quarterback. You put him in a playoff game against a good team that gets pressure on him and he presses. He gets happy feat in the pocket, forces balls in to situations where they get intercepted, and generally craps out on his team. “Normally Peyton makes that play during the regular season because...” they'll say. The reason he makes that play during the regular season is because he's throwing in the secondary of the Houston Texans. In fact, let's be as controversial as freaking possible here... people like Peyton Manning because he's a loyal, pleasant, polite, funny, tall, white, Christian, Red-State messiah/Adonis – unfortunately for them, he hasn't quite yet proved his quite obvious genetic superiority by winning the big one yet. “But he stayed all four years at Tennessee!” they plead. Did you happen to notice when Tennessee won the National Championship? It's not like he was a one man show there...
He is funny though. His commercials are enjoyable... until they hit the saturating point. When did that happen? Wait... did I just see him in an add for spaying and neutering pets?** Add corporate schill to the list of offenses. Some give me a Sprint cell phone. I need to smash something.
This is an article about why the Colts are going to win the Super Bowl, in case you haven't guessed. Here's why I'd pick the Colts.
It's not because Cato June is outweighed by every Bears offensive player.
It's not because owner Jim Irsay thinks the phrase, “What Would Jesus Do?” is more applicable to whom to pick on draft day or what defensive scheme to run as opposed to say, how to treat other people.
It's not because the Colts traded for Adam Vinateri. Any fun irony that trade could have resulted in faded away when the Colts won on a Manning touchdown drive. Although it was quite nice to see Patriots fans shut up. (On a side note, I think Tom Brady has put up with a lot of crap from that organization. I think it would fun to see Brady traded to another team and lead them to the playoffs. It has the added bonus of finally shutting everybody up who says Brady is the product of the Belichek “system”, whatever that means.)
It's not because Rex Grossman sucks. (Who knows whether he'll go for 4 TD's or 4 INTs?)
It's not because their improved defense has turned things around. Although we're getting on the right track. The Colts defense was awful. Had been for a long time. Someone got pissed off about it and they managed to upgrade it to marginal! They only gave up thirty something to the Patriots, after all... (The success of the Patriots offense has be baffling throughout the season, but let's not kid ourselves and claim they shut down any offensive juggernauts to get to this point.) The point is, they got pissed off. At least someone on that defense had the killer instinct needed to win football games.
The Colts are going to win because someone the defense has smacked Peyton Manning across the face and challenged his manhood in the past two weeks. (If they haven't, they will lose. If I played for Indy, I'd be pissed at how Manning played up until the second half of the New England game.) Whenever the Colts lose, the analysis always comes down to a technical issue, right? Marvin Harrison not a big enough factor... run defense with huge holes... small defensive lineman... Manning not staying in the pocket long enough. It's never, “The Colts just got whooped today.” Well the Bears defense is cocky, arrogant, and will whoop the Colts – except that on the first play from scrimmage, Peyton Manning is going to throw a pass right at Brian Urlacher's gonads and then make some snide comment like, “How's that 'laser-rocket arm' feel?” as he's writhing in pain on the Miami turf, permanently wiping that perpetual smirk he plays defense with off his face. Every great QB has to have moxie and a little bit of gunslinger in them. Remember Elway diving over defensive backs to pick up that first down against the Packers in '97? You never heard anyone talk about him winning the big one from that point on. Folks, let me give you the inside scoop. Peyton Manning is pissed off, and he's not going to take it anymore. The Bears secondary hasn't been the same since Mike Brown got hurt, and Peyton Manning is going to light them up.
So you see, this Super Bowl really is about Peyton Manning.
(I was actually going to pick the Bears to win this game, but talked myself out of it when writing the article. Do you take the points? Both teams are going to play the “no respect card”, right? It's a tough call... Peyton in a big game, AFC dominates NFC, Grossman could be terrible, the Colts D is terrible... I don't know. I think I'm taking the Colts, even with the points.)
(Also, if I have offended any group such as Christians, Republicans, white people, etc. please do not make too much of it. I'm just trying to match the tone for how I think Peyton needs to feel. I do respect him and his fans. But if somebody read this to him right before game time, don't you think he'd go off and pass for 450 yards and 5 TDs, just out of spite? You'll thank me tomorrow morning Colts fans.)
*West Lafayette, IN
**Okay, I made this up... so sue me.
I don't like the Colts. I don't really know why... maybe it's the logo... maybe it's their team colors... maybe it's their omnipresence in this neck of the woods.* Something about them rubs me the wrong way.
I probably shouldn't. If you ever listen to any color announcer gush over every aspect of the organization, you'd think Peyton Manning just invited them to the prom. Peyton Manning is “the hardest working man in football – constantly studying film and working on precision routes with receivers.” Marvin Harrison is, “a class act all the way,” of course. Joseph Addai is “a fine young man who's going to be very successful in this league.” Tony Dungy is “one of the most dignified men in football, long overdue for the championship he so richly deserves.”
Pardon the Interruption ®, but don't people that deserve championships, win championships? Bill Belichek almost certainly cheated on his wife and had a messy divorce – did he not deserve 3 Super Bowl rings? I'm just so tired of people giving it to this team because they are, quote-unquote, classy. And nobody is a better symbol of this than Peyton Manning. He's unequivocally a great quarterback. You put him in a playoff game against a good team that gets pressure on him and he presses. He gets happy feat in the pocket, forces balls in to situations where they get intercepted, and generally craps out on his team. “Normally Peyton makes that play during the regular season because...” they'll say. The reason he makes that play during the regular season is because he's throwing in the secondary of the Houston Texans. In fact, let's be as controversial as freaking possible here... people like Peyton Manning because he's a loyal, pleasant, polite, funny, tall, white, Christian, Red-State messiah/Adonis – unfortunately for them, he hasn't quite yet proved his quite obvious genetic superiority by winning the big one yet. “But he stayed all four years at Tennessee!” they plead. Did you happen to notice when Tennessee won the National Championship? It's not like he was a one man show there...
He is funny though. His commercials are enjoyable... until they hit the saturating point. When did that happen? Wait... did I just see him in an add for spaying and neutering pets?** Add corporate schill to the list of offenses. Some give me a Sprint cell phone. I need to smash something.
This is an article about why the Colts are going to win the Super Bowl, in case you haven't guessed. Here's why I'd pick the Colts.
It's not because Cato June is outweighed by every Bears offensive player.
It's not because owner Jim Irsay thinks the phrase, “What Would Jesus Do?” is more applicable to whom to pick on draft day or what defensive scheme to run as opposed to say, how to treat other people.
It's not because the Colts traded for Adam Vinateri. Any fun irony that trade could have resulted in faded away when the Colts won on a Manning touchdown drive. Although it was quite nice to see Patriots fans shut up. (On a side note, I think Tom Brady has put up with a lot of crap from that organization. I think it would fun to see Brady traded to another team and lead them to the playoffs. It has the added bonus of finally shutting everybody up who says Brady is the product of the Belichek “system”, whatever that means.)
It's not because Rex Grossman sucks. (Who knows whether he'll go for 4 TD's or 4 INTs?)
It's not because their improved defense has turned things around. Although we're getting on the right track. The Colts defense was awful. Had been for a long time. Someone got pissed off about it and they managed to upgrade it to marginal! They only gave up thirty something to the Patriots, after all... (The success of the Patriots offense has be baffling throughout the season, but let's not kid ourselves and claim they shut down any offensive juggernauts to get to this point.) The point is, they got pissed off. At least someone on that defense had the killer instinct needed to win football games.
The Colts are going to win because someone the defense has smacked Peyton Manning across the face and challenged his manhood in the past two weeks. (If they haven't, they will lose. If I played for Indy, I'd be pissed at how Manning played up until the second half of the New England game.) Whenever the Colts lose, the analysis always comes down to a technical issue, right? Marvin Harrison not a big enough factor... run defense with huge holes... small defensive lineman... Manning not staying in the pocket long enough. It's never, “The Colts just got whooped today.” Well the Bears defense is cocky, arrogant, and will whoop the Colts – except that on the first play from scrimmage, Peyton Manning is going to throw a pass right at Brian Urlacher's gonads and then make some snide comment like, “How's that 'laser-rocket arm' feel?” as he's writhing in pain on the Miami turf, permanently wiping that perpetual smirk he plays defense with off his face. Every great QB has to have moxie and a little bit of gunslinger in them. Remember Elway diving over defensive backs to pick up that first down against the Packers in '97? You never heard anyone talk about him winning the big one from that point on. Folks, let me give you the inside scoop. Peyton Manning is pissed off, and he's not going to take it anymore. The Bears secondary hasn't been the same since Mike Brown got hurt, and Peyton Manning is going to light them up.
So you see, this Super Bowl really is about Peyton Manning.
(I was actually going to pick the Bears to win this game, but talked myself out of it when writing the article. Do you take the points? Both teams are going to play the “no respect card”, right? It's a tough call... Peyton in a big game, AFC dominates NFC, Grossman could be terrible, the Colts D is terrible... I don't know. I think I'm taking the Colts, even with the points.)
(Also, if I have offended any group such as Christians, Republicans, white people, etc. please do not make too much of it. I'm just trying to match the tone for how I think Peyton needs to feel. I do respect him and his fans. But if somebody read this to him right before game time, don't you think he'd go off and pass for 450 yards and 5 TDs, just out of spite? You'll thank me tomorrow morning Colts fans.)
*West Lafayette, IN
**Okay, I made this up... so sue me.
posted by mike at 12:27 PM
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