i want to be like grant.
i was jealous of all the attention that grant received for his modest mouse cd review on facebook. i was very impressed with the review, although i was less impressed with the lead singer's mutilation. honestly, being in sioux falls does not give you the right to cut yourself; you don't observe people in south dakota cutting themselves all the time, despite the fact that they're living in south dakota. show some respect to the working dakota man!!!
now, to honor both grant and john, i am going to review the arcade fire's new album using only sports references. i will compare each song to an ncaa tournament athlete and make an outrageous claim. enjoy.
"black mirror."
- corey brewer, florida. a beautiful hybrid guard that we should have all known was the serial hotness, brewer electrified us with a magnificant dunk and proceeded to revolutionize the championship game in unspeakable ways. blocking oden? drilling the threes? shutting down lewis? afflalo?!?!
black mirror! black mirror! black mirror! black mirror!
"keep the car running."
- roy hibbert, georgetown. a tragic figure, in the rik smits mold. hopefully someone has the necessary vision to seize hibbert's nba career and make him a presence. if you saw that jumper he hit on saturday night, you'll know what i mean.
i don't know where.... it's coming.
"neon bible."
- acie law, iv., texas a & m. we'll never know how good the aggies were, because of an unlucky fast break.
in the future, i will read at night.
"intervention."
-greg oden, ohio state. his performance against florida was a work of art. i could write ten thousand words about it, but i think that the arcade fire have a song that expresses it in a more appropriate manner. just cue up the cd and the tivo (as if you wanted to listen to nantz anyway) and appreciate a true warrior. he tore apart four men with his bare hands; only horford escaped alive.
who's gonna throw the very first stone?
"black wave/bad vibrations."
-arron afflalo, ucla. he left it all on the floor for us. the tragedy for ucla, of course, is florida. we will forget a team that maybe we shouldn't. kansas knows of what i speak. so does lsu.
stop now before it's too late... nothing lasts forever, that's the way it's gotta be.
"ocean of noise."
- al horford, florida. look at him, and see elton brand. his ability is the type that is never appreciated but rarely duplicated. his game is the type of game that screams of intellect. cue the running jump shot he took against osu, or the 17-foot jump shot.
in an ocean of noise, i first heard your voice, ringing like a bell...
"the well and the lighthouse."
- tyler hansborough, north carolina. he polarizes the masses, but he works harder than anyone on the planet to be a basketball liaison between reality and actuality. observe what i mean: nobody tried harder to defeat a team in the ncaa's than tyler hansborough. when his team had given up, tyler kept fighting against bigger, better players.
you want the truth? you know i'd do it all again.
"antichrist television blues."
-mike conley, jr., ohio state. a tough comparison lyrically, but a meaningful comparison when we consider sound. allow me to place meaning on a plate: consider a world evolved, where style and substance are intertwined in a pure way. i have your hero: his ability to get to the rim is quite unparalleled.
now i'm overcome, by the light of day. my lips are near, but my heart... is far away.
"windowstill."
- jeff green, georgetown. we should not forget jeff green's brilliance based on the osu game. his abilities are more indicative of the future than the past. possessing all the tools, green chose to defer in the clutch. whatever. here is a salient thought: the nba has playoff series, not single-elimination games.
the windows are locked now, so what'll it be?
"no cars go."
- chris richard, florida. i am reasonably devoid of passion. chris richard is not. in a game where everyone feared the possibility of odenization (copyrighted by me), richard ventured into the paint to emulate the greats of the past: maxiell, fortson, eric hicks. where are you, bobby huggins?
there is a place where no cars go. there is a place where no ships go. hey!
"my body is a cage."
- lee humphrey, florida. do you know what is underrated about lee humphrey? it is his ability to get to the glass and play defense. i have seen him deftly cut like a renaissance man; i saw jamar butler struggle last night. my eyes tell me the truth; and i will take him in any shooting contest you wish.
my body is a cage; we take what we're given.
overall, i give the arcade fire four stars.
now, to honor both grant and john, i am going to review the arcade fire's new album using only sports references. i will compare each song to an ncaa tournament athlete and make an outrageous claim. enjoy.
"black mirror."
- corey brewer, florida. a beautiful hybrid guard that we should have all known was the serial hotness, brewer electrified us with a magnificant dunk and proceeded to revolutionize the championship game in unspeakable ways. blocking oden? drilling the threes? shutting down lewis? afflalo?!?!
black mirror! black mirror! black mirror! black mirror!
"keep the car running."
- roy hibbert, georgetown. a tragic figure, in the rik smits mold. hopefully someone has the necessary vision to seize hibbert's nba career and make him a presence. if you saw that jumper he hit on saturday night, you'll know what i mean.
i don't know where.... it's coming.
"neon bible."
- acie law, iv., texas a & m. we'll never know how good the aggies were, because of an unlucky fast break.
in the future, i will read at night.
"intervention."
-greg oden, ohio state. his performance against florida was a work of art. i could write ten thousand words about it, but i think that the arcade fire have a song that expresses it in a more appropriate manner. just cue up the cd and the tivo (as if you wanted to listen to nantz anyway) and appreciate a true warrior. he tore apart four men with his bare hands; only horford escaped alive.
who's gonna throw the very first stone?
"black wave/bad vibrations."
-arron afflalo, ucla. he left it all on the floor for us. the tragedy for ucla, of course, is florida. we will forget a team that maybe we shouldn't. kansas knows of what i speak. so does lsu.
stop now before it's too late... nothing lasts forever, that's the way it's gotta be.
"ocean of noise."
- al horford, florida. look at him, and see elton brand. his ability is the type that is never appreciated but rarely duplicated. his game is the type of game that screams of intellect. cue the running jump shot he took against osu, or the 17-foot jump shot.
in an ocean of noise, i first heard your voice, ringing like a bell...
"the well and the lighthouse."
- tyler hansborough, north carolina. he polarizes the masses, but he works harder than anyone on the planet to be a basketball liaison between reality and actuality. observe what i mean: nobody tried harder to defeat a team in the ncaa's than tyler hansborough. when his team had given up, tyler kept fighting against bigger, better players.
you want the truth? you know i'd do it all again.
"antichrist television blues."
-mike conley, jr., ohio state. a tough comparison lyrically, but a meaningful comparison when we consider sound. allow me to place meaning on a plate: consider a world evolved, where style and substance are intertwined in a pure way. i have your hero: his ability to get to the rim is quite unparalleled.
now i'm overcome, by the light of day. my lips are near, but my heart... is far away.
"windowstill."
- jeff green, georgetown. we should not forget jeff green's brilliance based on the osu game. his abilities are more indicative of the future than the past. possessing all the tools, green chose to defer in the clutch. whatever. here is a salient thought: the nba has playoff series, not single-elimination games.
the windows are locked now, so what'll it be?
"no cars go."
- chris richard, florida. i am reasonably devoid of passion. chris richard is not. in a game where everyone feared the possibility of odenization (copyrighted by me), richard ventured into the paint to emulate the greats of the past: maxiell, fortson, eric hicks. where are you, bobby huggins?
there is a place where no cars go. there is a place where no ships go. hey!
"my body is a cage."
- lee humphrey, florida. do you know what is underrated about lee humphrey? it is his ability to get to the glass and play defense. i have seen him deftly cut like a renaissance man; i saw jamar butler struggle last night. my eyes tell me the truth; and i will take him in any shooting contest you wish.
my body is a cage; we take what we're given.
overall, i give the arcade fire four stars.
posted by mike at 5:34 PM
6 Comments:
I probably shouldn't bring this up, since everyone will say I'm crazy or something, but keep in mind I was the original Arcade Fire fan. Ever since seeing them live in June of 2004 - Austin, TX.
I like Neon Bible. Musically it's every bit as good, and perhaps even better than Funeral.
I don't think I can listen to it anymore, though.
It's probably the most depressing album since The Flaming Lips In A Priest Driven Ambulance.
Ok, perhaps depressing isn't right word. After all, the subject matter of Ambulence is along the lines of failed escapist fantasy turning into nihilism and suicidal tendancies. It wraps with a messed up cover of "What a Wonderful World" to make you feel worse about everything. It was the musical equivalent of Requiem for a Dream. I'm glad Wayne Coyne decided to be happy about things at some point, and that Steve Drozd stopped doing heroin at some point. If not, how could Aaron Sorkin (The West Wing, Studio 60, Sports Night, A Few Good Men, etc.) write a Broadway musical based on Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots? This truly is an amazing world.
It's just that overwhelming angst, paranoia, and anger that pervades Neon Bible rarely lets me enjoy the music. I like to listen to music while driving on road trips to help me slip time and forget about time and circumstance... whereas Neon Bible makes me hyperaware of time and circumstance. Are things really as bad as they make them out to be, I wonder. Perhaps I am either naive or misguided to play the optimist. But, the album does make think. Perhaps that means it has already achieved it's intended success then. But I always wonder, what gives Win Butler? Do you need a hug? A lot of the music on Neon Bible seems anti-... well anti a lot of things. The Arcade Fire has seen fit to condemn large swaths of humanity this go round. Usually somewhere around the driving beat/narrative of Television Antichrist Blues I start to wonder if they are anti-me. By the time the CD starts to reply, I find myself justifying my existence and world-view to people I've never met... to the compression and rarefaction of air molecules within my car. It's at this point I become somewhat depressed and usually pull out on Clap Your Hands or, even better, The Boy Least Likely To. Even the angst and paranoia of Radiohead or Bloc Party celebrates some aspect of humanity at some level. But Neon Bible, as musically astounding as it is, just makes me think the Arcade Fire doesn't like me, or anyone, anymore. Perhaps that's why I've been listening to a lot of Andrew WK recently. That guy'll be my friend. I know bands aren't trying to be my friend and music should not be judged as such. Still, part of identifying with a certain musical act or genre is at least on some level an acknowledgement of some shared philisophical ground. I'm finding very little with the Arcade Fire right now.
"I gotta hand it to you, Arcade Fire... your depressing songs and bleak world view have made my children stop dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide."
This quote was originally about the Smashing Pumpkins. I miss those guys.
Funeral = catharsis
Neon Bible = i don't even know
The Smashing Pumpkins are getting back together this summer John.
I saw that... playing some festivals this summer and whatnot. I can't decide whether this is a good thing or not. Despite all thier rage, will they still just be a rat in cage?
On the other hand, no one really needed another Zwan album.
I suppose they said it best on the Simpson:
"Woohoo! Let's all buy fur coats!"
"I want a walk-in humidor!"
My Modest Mouse review was a piece of shit.
Also, Neon Bible is one of the least memorable albums I've ever listened to.
honestly, i think this post would have been made better by two things:
1) pictures of the athletes which represented my analysis:
2) videoclips of said athletes with arcade fire music as the sound.
unfortunately, i lack the capacity or the time to pull something like this off. just try to picture win screaming black mirror while corey brewer is exploding for a dunk in the championship game, or the end of windowstill while the clock is going down in the georgetown/vandy game. clearly, the arcade fire's album was MADE SPECIFICALLY for this ncaa tournament.
Post a Comment
<< Home